The Wonderful Rhett Price

My friend Rhett is an amazing violinist and saxaphonist. Here is proof of how amazing he is. It may just be the sax, but he truely is amazing!!

The Paradox that is Love

What the crap fruitcake!? I try to make conversation with you. I try to be the nice one here. Do you listen when I talk to you? Do you even want me around? The way I see it, the answer is NO!!! From the way you act, to the way you let our conversations die, it seems to me that you don't give a shit care. (excuse me) I get it that you want your space, I get it that sometimes you don't want to talk. But by golly when you text me and I text you back you had better make a frakkin effort to talk. Unless you're just trying you be a doucher. (hah!) I may sound like a jerk, but you're the one not making an effort here. You're my bestfriend (or so I thought) and from everything you've told me, I'm yours too. Am I really? Or are you just leading me on, using me, then going to get rid of me like all the other girls in your life? I've heard that you don't speak highly of me, you don't speak well of me. Why is that? Are you ashamed to know me? Are you really that shallow that you can't even tell your other friends about me? Where's the love here? Why do you always tell me that you love me and that you want to be with me, but when I even talk about us dating you always blow it off or stop texting? I can handle the let down of you telling me the truth. If you don't think we should date I'm perfectly fine with that. Just tell me. That's all I'm asking. Honesty is the key here. If we're not honest with each other then how are things ever going to work? So why don't we talk anymore what's happened? No one ever hears from you anymore but those who actually live near you or those other people you don't hang with at camp. WTH!? Why does that happen? What's up with that? (Gah boy you irritate me so frakkin much.) So my solution, which I've been saying for two months or more now, is to ignore you and give it to God. (I just hope that I can actually keep with my word this time.) So starting now I am not talking to you unless it's a life or death situation. (Phew! I'm glad I got that out of the way.) But really I don't know what to do anymore. You're always on my mind and I don't want you to be. I recently came across some knowledge that makes me think this: I really want to be with you, yet I don't want to be around you at all. You make me smile and I always have great moments with you, but you also make me sick. You make me want to go sit in a corner and cry for several hours. It's the honest truth. Both sides are true. I want you and I don't want you. I love you and I don't love you. How do these two sides co-exist? Go read Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan. I am so confused right now that I want to sleep for days or just run away. Looks like I have a lot to think about.

What the Bean Sprout?!

A friend of mine came into town for the weekend because he has an audition at the college. He texted me up asking if I wanted to hang out. Not knowing if I had any plans I asked my dad about it and he said I'd have to see what he wanted to do, my friend that is not my dad. So I ask him what we'd be doing and he never texted me back. I sat and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited. Over four hours later I finally get a reply. "Mom and I are eating." Loud sigh. This tells me nothing. So I asked if he knew what he was doing after words. He didn't. We talked a little longer and then he said that he would let me know when he finds out. Now it's been yet another hour and still nothing. Do you think I'm blowing this way out of proportion? Should I just calm down and not let it bother me?

WHAT THE BEAN SPROUT?!

Don't End Up Like Edward Cullen

You initiated the conversation and yet you don't want to talk? What's up with that? I mean I can understand not knowing that you were about to have to do something when you start to chat, but knowingly leaving the conversation. That's a little rude, don'tcha think? Actually you probably don't, but that's okay because you're better than us all. You never carry on a conversation. The only responses I ever get are: Heh., Haha, Yeah, Oh. Ok., :-), :-/, :-(, or the occasional, How are you? after you say Hi and I reply with Hello. Does this seem normal to you? Does it seem normal to anyone? The conversation always dies after I tell him how I'm feeling or how I'm doing. Is it really that much to bother even knowing how/what I'm doing? If you don't care then why even ask me? (haha this has a lot of questions in it. Rhetorical ones of course. :P ) If you don't care enought to actually talk to me, yet you inform me that you A.) miss me, B.) can't wait to see me, and C.) hope to get "alone time" with me. Which frankly, I'm not stupid enough to go off alone with you. Public places are great for meetings with old friends that you haven't seen in two years. Plus it will be on a band trip and I'm not exactly sure how much "alone time" I'm even going to get. More then likely I'm either going to be hanging out with my ensemble members, or friends from other schools that I never get to see outside of band camp, region/area, and solo/ensemble. Just thought that I'd let you know because you don't seem to be able to get that through your thick skull to what you'd like to think is your brain. (Sorry hun, but I think that you play too many video games for my liking. Get out and smell the irl flowers every now and again. Sunlight is good for you! Don't end up like Edward Cullen. (even though you actually like the "Twilight" series) He's not a good role model you know.) I like you as a friend and all, but we're never going to be more than that. Sorry to break it to you. Though you are very capable of getting a nice girl in your town or other around you. Oh wait! You already have. Silly me. Why didn't I think of that? Must have slipped my mind. Just like I do unless my status says "online" and you actually think about talking to me. Even though the conversations NEVER get far. What I've learned from being friends with you is simply this: You're not much of a talker. I get that. But you make me feel like I'm egotistical because I only talk about myself, my problems, and you never talk at all. Well my dear, here is your chance to say something. Anything. I just want to have a normal person conversation with you. I guess the electronic way of doing it isn't the "right" way of doing it. When we were together at camp a few summers ago we talked all the time. :/ -sigh- Oh well. I hope you plan to work on this in the future. You're a great friend, but if we never talk, well, that's a problem now isn't it?

Homesick.

Stayed home sick today. Looks like the allergies and stress finally caught up with me. So laying on the couch got me thinking. "Is it bad when you're best friend breaks up with you over a text?" I mean it's not like we were dating or anything, but he just said that he wanted me to back off. Give him space. He wants his privacy. He said that he just wants to be left alone with his own thoughts and stuff. He then goes on to say that he cares about me and that he loves me, and that this is him time right now, and that when he's ready he'd call or text. I'm going on two days without talking to him. Now I know what you may be thinking, "Katt, why are you telling me about your boy problems?" Well, it's not that I'm having boy problems, and it's not that I care that he wants his space and whatnot. All I'm saying is that I don't quite understand it. He's a really good kid deep down there somewhere in whatever chasm he has for a heart and soul. Looks like I'll be going without my "bestfriend" (who I guess isn't really my best friend at all.) I'll keep you upto date about how things are going without him. (And you -boy who I will not name- if you are reading this, sorry but I have to vent somewhere because I can't talk to you about anything.)

Dear Friend.

Dear Friend, or so I though.
Why must you play me like a game?
Forever I though you loved me.
Guess I was wrong.
You've lied to my face.
Several times for that matter.
You've cheated on my best friend.
You've even said you loved me.

Was it true?
Is it true?
Do you really love me,
or was it just a ploy to get inside my head?
Get inside my heart?
To make me tell you things.
Things that no one else but you and I know?

Are you honest?
I'd like to hope so.
Do deserve my love?
I'd like to think so.
But recently you've been distant.
You haven't talked to me.
You haven't answered my questions.

I'm not mad at you.
Disappointed?
Yes.
I am very disappointed.

Why didn't you tell me?
Why haven't you talked to me?
If you had just been honest.
If you had just told me the truth.
I wouldn't have to write this.
I wouldn't have these feelings inside.

I've cried every night.
Because I wish.
I just wish for one simple thing.

That thing being your friendship.
The friendship that we had that summer.
That summer at camp when nothing got us down.
That summer of sitting on the stairs talking.
Just talking about anything and everything.

I miss those days.
I miss the old you.
The you I fell in love with.
Not the you that you've become.

You used to be my best friend.
And now you've made me rethink that.
Rethink my past.
Rethink everything I've ever told you.
And everything that ever happend when we were together.

I want to believe that you're still that person.
I want to believe that you still care.
That you still want to be with me.
That you still have a soul as to know right and wrong.
But has that left along with all sense of reason?
Has that left with all the compassion that you had?

Why must you torture me so?
What did I ever do to you?
Nothing.
That's what.
I never did anything.

Maybe that's where I went wrong.
Maybe I should have been there more.
Maybe I should have called more.
Been more persistant.

But that's not who I am.
I'm not the kind of girl to be too pushy.
I may not be the most beautiful.
Or even the most talented.
But I thought that you could look past all that.
Past all my mistakes.
Past all my flaws.
But honestly, I don't find this true anymore.

Do you want our friendship to end?
Cuz that's what it looks like to me.
I wanted things to work out.
I really did.
But looks like you don't.
So this is the end.

If I'm wrong.
Please correct me.
I just need to know that you still care.
That you're not just some douche who doesn't care.
Be honest with me.
That's all I ever wanted.

Is that what I'll get?
I don't know.
I hope and pray it is.
But only you know.

So for now.
I shall just wait for an honest answer.
Will I get it?
Will you care enough to say anything at all?
We shall see.

This week has gotten me thinking. "What would happen if I just stopped talking to people? Like, not just online, but texting and phone calls too?" I kind of want to try this little experiment, but currently I am trying to retrust a friend, keep updated on friends in the hospital, an a multitude of other things. At some point in my life I will do this. I will make this challenge happen. I would like to challenge you to do the same. Start a blog/vlog about the hardships of it all and how you're coping with the non-talkage of people. (Is non-talkage even a word?)

Now onto other things.

I've been getting questions about why I started this blog. The answer is simple. I started this blog to help relieve my feelings, like with stuff that I don't feel comfortable telling people. I also started vloging. For those of you that don't know what that is, it's live bloging only with videos. If you want to keep up with what I'm doing (other than when I post a blog) then here's the link for you: http://www.youtube.com/PerceptionsOfMe I hope you enjoy it.

This is just a little update for you guys (for those who actually read this and care what I say! haha). I hope that you have enjoyed it! I shall update later.

P.S. I've decided to put all my little side thoughts and actions in italics. I think it makes more sence. :)