Off Course

As of late, I have been having issues with a friend of mine. Now normally we don't have any problems, but lately he hasn't been telling me everything. Yes I know that he doesn't have to tell me everything, but being honest with me when I ask questions is atleast a start. He's entiteled to his privacy, but we're supposed to be best friends, right? Well that's what I thought.

Monday night I had left a status on facebook about me not saying everything that I wanted to when talking to him, and another friend of mine commented telling me to text him about it and let him know what was going on. So of course I did. He's such a sweet kid, and I love him to death; therefore, I trust him with my personal life and my problems. After telling him what was going on, he simply said this: "Well, know this, no matter what, I'll always love you, just thought I'd say that :)" He really is a sweet kid. By that time it was like eleven something at night and I needed sleep. Not that that's what I got. Stupid insomnia and thoughts running through my mind kept me awake.

Tuesday morning I woke up to a text from the same friend. He said that he loved me more than words or music could express and that I didn't need to forget that. Then he asked about who I was talking to that had me so upset. So I told him. He then told me that he knew who I was talking about and then asked me if I knew a certain girl. -not naming any names so you won't know who I'm talking about- I had to admit that I didn't know her personally, but did know who she was. He informed me that the guy in question was dating her. I just sat there in the band hallway with a sad yet puzzled look on my face. Was this true? I thought as I sat there amidst the other band kids. I mean yes he (the "guy in question") had lied to me before about who he was dating and a lot of other stuff, but would he really lie about THIS?! I was befuddled. So I just texted my friend back and said something like, "What?! Since when? Cuz I was under the impression that he was dating someone else." What a way to spend a morning before band.

Now when lunch came about I texted said person we were talking about. He said that he didn't know what I was talking about, so I didn't press the issue. Honestly all I wanted was an honest answer, no matter how much it hurt to hear. That's all I ever want from him. Just an answer to everything. Everything that he does, and everything that needs to be answered. How hard is that, really?

Anyway, he didn't own up to anything that I asked him, so I gave up. I am quite upset about that, but if he wants to keep things from me, then so be it. That just means that we're most likely not going to be as good of friends as we used to be. I used to tell him everything and he used to do the same. Now, I'm lucky if I get a "Hey" or "Hello" from him like once a month. It makes me sad that we've drifted apart. I sincerely hope that our friendship get renewed soon. I keep praying about it, and I know that God will do what he sees fit for the relationship.

There was quite a bit more that I wanted to say before the paragraph that you just read, but I was a little distracted. -heh- But, this is just one short little aspect of my week that definitely didn't go as planned. I haven't been able to sleep very well because of the whole situation and I've had this nagging feeling deep in my gut. But I shall definitely get everything resolved soon. The guy in question said that all I had to do was give him some time, and then he'd have answers for me. My first thought was, "Hah that's what you said last time you and your girlfriend broke up." But we shall see. I bet he's probably trying to come up with some elaborate lie to tell me that he knows I'll believe. Gosh, I am so stupid to believe him every time! -face desk- Ugh! I even promised myself that I wouldn't do that. -sigh-

Yes, that has been part of my week, or I guess mostly a major issue that's been going on for the last thirteen months of my life. -oh wow, how lame and I?-

As of Late

Well, I have recently come to the conclusion that there are many sides to a person. (Well I guess it wasn't really that recent, but it looks like I've rediscovered that fact.) The way they are when they are alone, how they are when others are around, or even how they are around different people.

For instance, I have a friend that's a little girl crazy, or at least he always has girls around him, and it always seems that he's flirting with each and every one of them. So at camp this last summer I noticed that whenever it was just him and I alone he was one way, then when we were in a group he was another way, and when I'd see him alone he'd act another way. So which one is the real him? Will I ever know? I mean I love him to death. Probably more than he'll ever know, but still. He's not the same person around everyone. I just want to know how he really is. Okay so a little off topic. He just doesn't have the same personality around me as he does when he's with other people. I don't know what it is. Is there just something that I don't know about that I should? Or is it something else?Please tell me these things!! I NEED to know!!

Even when we're talking on the phone, there's just something between us that I sense. He's quiet for long periods of time. I hardly talk, and when I do I always feel like I'm talking too much. I don't know if it's just me that feels that way, but I do. I guess it could just be me and my self consciousness, but who knows better than the people I talk to via telephono! (Hah, nice use of Spanish there. :P)

So a text was just sent to a few people that I talk to on the phone and so far one answer: No not at all.

Looks like at least one person doesn't think so.

I guess it's just me that does. I mean I try not to talk a whole lot, but sometimes I just need someone to listen to me about my rantings. Hmm... I guess that's what this blog is for. Not only can I get everything out at one time, but I can get it out and not be interrupted. So I don't know. I'm not much of a phone talker, but when people do call I guess I'm either super quiet or I think I talk too much.

So on another note. I moved stuff from my sister's storage shed today with my dad and brother-in-law. That was pretty fun, and I got a guitar out of it. So I spent most of my day after church doing that, and then when I got home I watched a lovely video that my friend Kelli posted to our joint YouTube account. For the video go to http://www.youtube.com/TenMilesUphill her's is the one in the box that says Week Two. Mine is the Week One video.

Well looks like that all I have for now. I shall update you later.

Much love from the Kattster!!

Keeping Me Alive

Why is it so hard to tell you what's on my mind? I mean it's not like it's hard to tell anyone else, just you. It's like when you're around all my worlds fall away. You make me speechless. You make me think. You make me love again. When words fail actions speak. The way I am around you, it's not the way I am. It's like when I get around you I change into a different person. I'm actually myself. I'm actually normal.

Is it that I don't trust you? Or is it that I'm just scared of the answer that you're going to give we when my questions come up? Why can't I just tell you what's on my mind? Everything is just harder with you. Things don't flow like I'd like them to.

Even though everything is a little harder with you, I still love you. You are my everything. My best friend. My other half. The peanut butter to my jelly. The bagel to my cream cheese. The duck to my water. The sun to my sky. You are everything and more. You are my everything. You are keeping me alive.

New Year?

Well it looks like it's the new year, and I don't know what to do or think. I've got no one to spend it with, and nothing to do. It's 1:41 am, as I glance down at the clock in the corner of the computer screen. The only thing that I've been doing is talking to a crush I know I can never have the chance of being with. He knows kind of how I feel about him, but not really all of it. And am I going to tell him? HECK TO THE NOO!!!! He's older than I am and things would bever ever work out for us, right now anyway. They may eventually, but definitely not right now. I mean he's a great guy, and a great friend, but the age difference is something that would not work right now.

Anyway, I've been talking to him all night, and I plan on seeing him sometime tomorrow while my friend and I film our New Year's video! That should be fun and something to keep my mind off of things.

You know how I got a journal for Christmas? Well I find that this helps me get my thoughts and emotions out a lot better than the journal. It's just so pretty and unflawed that it kind of makes me wish that I was that way. You know? Just something that's nice to look at and just perfect in every way. But that's what life is, right? Just one big journal to write in, mess up, and scribble all over. That's the way I feel sometimes. That I myself am something that people like to use and mess up, and when they're done they just toss me aside and move on to the next thing. It's like no one will ever come along to fix me, and make me feel whole again. In due time, right? Yeah, that's what people are always telling me. "You just need to wait 'til it's your time" or, "Just a little longer." Maybe I don't want to wait any longer. Maybe I want that person now! Huh. Oh well. Looks like I have to wait like everybody else.

Any who, I didn't mean to really make this a rant of a bunh of different things, but yeah I just had to get it out in the open.
But the cat is telling me it's time to go to bed, so it looks like I'm off for the night.

Good night to all!

Christmas on Boxing Day

So my family celebrated Christmas today, since Dad had to work on Christmas day. He's a fire fighter for those of you that didn't know. So yeah, my sister, brother-in-law, and little baby nephew came over to our house to eat linner (lunch + dinner) and open presents. After the loverly linner, we all moved into the living room to get to the presents. Here is the list of what I got:

1. Graffitti looking bag
2. Alice in Wonderland Bag
3. Skirt
4. Black and white strapless dress
5. Transformer pajama pants (which are freakin awesome, btw)
6. Family Force 5's Christmas Pageant CD
7. Hawk Nelson's Live Life Loud CD
8. Switchfoot's Hello Hurricane CD
9. Twenty-five dollar iTunes card
10. Gummy Dinosaurs
11. Italian leather journal with music notes and cuteness!
12. Love and happy times spent with family

Yes, that's all that I got. I didn't even ask for much. Actually the only thing that I asked for was a video camera that you can obviously see that I didn't get. Which, just so you know, I am not bitter about at all. I know money is tight right now, and that my parents did what they could to make it a good Christmas, and really they did. My mother told me earlier this week that there would be more to come, when we had more money. I told her not to worry about it, but she insists on getting me that camera. Which is why I love my mother. She provides for her family in ways that not a lot of stay at home moms do. Even though she knows things are tight, she still tries to get us the things that we may not necesarilly need, but want. Like I don't need that camera, but she still wants to get it for me. She is a very awesome woman and I thank God for her everyday. Thank you for being such a great mother.

Well that's it for my Christmas/Boxing Day. I hope that all of you had a great holiday as well.

-more updates to come later-

My Darling Best Friend

So pretty much my best friend is the sweetest kid in the entire world. Here's the convo that we had on my facebook {http://www.facebook.com/kmhuckaby} So yeah here's the conversation:

Katelyn Michelle Huckaby My darling best friend is probably the sweetest kid I know. ♥
Eamonn Morris likes
Katelyn Michelle Huckaby: Correction. He IS the sweetest kid I know.
Eamonn Morris: :) really?
Katelyn Michell Huckaby: Yes really. :)
Eamonn Morris: Who is exactly is this kid?
Katelyn Michelle Huckaby: Hmm. I think his name is Eamonn. Or atleast that's what he told me.
Eamonn Morris: Hmm, never heard of him, what's he like?
Katelyn Michelle Huckaby: Well, he's really sweet, definitely knows how to make me smile, super cute, has the best hugs, and there's no one in the world I love more than him. Oh and he plays bassoon, which is probably the coolest thing ever. Seeing as I'm a fellow bassoonist.
Eamonn Morris: He sounds ok. He's probably not as great as my best friend though.
Katelyn Michelle Huckaby: Oh? Who's your best friend and what makes them better than mine?
Eamonn Morris: Well my best friend is this girl named Katelyn, and she's positively amazing in every aspect about her, I love her like crazy, she gives great hugs, and is always there for me^-^ oh and she plays bassoon which is pretty great
Katelyn Michelle Huckaby: Hmmm... I may have to meet her. She seems pretty cool.
Eamonn Morris: Yeah, extremely
Katelyn Michelle Huckaby: Yeah, extremely
Eamonn Morris: As am I
Katelyn Michelle Huckaby: I am as well. It's not everyday I meet someone darling as my best friend.
Eamonn Morris: It's one of my favorite christmas presents
Katelyn Michelle Huckaby: And what's that?
Eamonn Morris: My best friend
Katelyn Michelle Huckaby: That's the greatest Christmas present ever. :) I'm just sad I don't get to see mine for Christmas.


He is such a sweetheart!! I love this boy to death! Met at band camp this past summer and instantly fell in love. :) My darling if you ever read this I just want you to know that I couldn't have ever asked for a better best friend than you. You just simply make my day and always know how to bring a smile to my face. :) You my dear are the best kid in the entire world and really this doesn't even begin to cover how much I love you. You're the greatest and I can't wait til camp.

--I'll update again later!--

What Do I Believe Anymore?

What do I believe in anymore?
The truth of your words?
he touch of your hand in mine?
I desperately hold on to your words.
Trying to stay in the moment forever.
When you say you love me my whole world melts away.
Everything is gone like you never hurt me.
Like everything is okay.
Then when you're gone everthing comes rushing back.
All the memories.
All the pain.
I don't know what i believe anymore.
The truth is shallow in your words.
Your touch is cold to my skin.
Yet I still hold on.
I smile like everything's okay.
My world has been shifted since you walked away.
Nothing's been the same.
Won't you come back?
Won't you help me believe?