Well it looks like it's the new year, and I don't know what to do or think. I've got no one to spend it with, and nothing to do. It's 1:41 am, as I glance down at the clock in the corner of the computer screen. The only thing that I've been doing is talking to a crush I know I can never have the chance of being with. He knows kind of how I feel about him, but not really all of it. And am I going to tell him? HECK TO THE NOO!!!! He's older than I am and things would bever ever work out for us, right now anyway. They may eventually, but definitely not right now. I mean he's a great guy, and a great friend, but the age difference is something that would not work right now.
Anyway, I've been talking to him all night, and I plan on seeing him sometime tomorrow while my friend and I film our New Year's video! That should be fun and something to keep my mind off of things.
You know how I got a journal for Christmas? Well I find that this helps me get my thoughts and emotions out a lot better than the journal. It's just so pretty and unflawed that it kind of makes me wish that I was that way. You know? Just something that's nice to look at and just perfect in every way. But that's what life is, right? Just one big journal to write in, mess up, and scribble all over. That's the way I feel sometimes. That I myself am something that people like to use and mess up, and when they're done they just toss me aside and move on to the next thing. It's like no one will ever come along to fix me, and make me feel whole again. In due time, right? Yeah, that's what people are always telling me. "You just need to wait 'til it's your time" or, "Just a little longer." Maybe I don't want to wait any longer. Maybe I want that person now! Huh. Oh well. Looks like I have to wait like everybody else.
Any who, I didn't mean to really make this a rant of a bunh of different things, but yeah I just had to get it out in the open.
But the cat is telling me it's time to go to bed, so it looks like I'm off for the night.
Good night to all!
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I was actually thinking about just that whole journal thing today. (I hope you don't mind me raping your blog :) ) Today, I went antique shopping like I always do around my birthday. A thought occured to me as I was rummaging through old books. Alot of collectors want everything in "mint condition". Why? Don't they realize that an object being in perfect condition means someone bought it, put it in their closet, and forgot about it until it was found fifty years later by a grandchild looking for play things. No history. No story. It's simply and OBJECT. But I happened upon a book (which I am now the proud owner of) that was published in 1897 and kept in the Sofia Library until it was given to someone named Blanche Hathaway has her graduation gift in 1924. All of this is scribbled on the front page of the book of poetry. The book is a lovely as antiques go, but I love those notes on the inside. The book is torn up and the edges of every page are worn. It has history, a story.
ReplyDeleteHumans are the same way. Some people want a human in "mint condition". She will be no trouble at all. But why? She was shrink wrapped in some corner. She has no history, no stories, no passion, nothing. She is simply an object.