What the
crap fruitcake!? I try to make conversation with you. I try to be the nice one here. Do you listen when I talk to you? Do you even want me around? The way I see it, the answer is
NO!!! From the way you act, to the way you let our conversations die, it seems to me that you don't give a
shit care.
(excuse me) I get it that you want your space, I get it that sometimes you don't want to talk. But by golly when you text me and I text you back you had better make a frakkin effort to talk. Unless you're just trying you be a doucher.
(hah!) I may sound like a jerk, but you're the one not making an effort here. You're my bestfriend
(or so I thought) and from everything you've told me, I'm yours too. Am I really? Or are you just leading me on, using me, then going to get rid of me like all the other girls in your life? I've heard that you don't speak highly of me, you don't speak well of me. Why is that? Are you ashamed to know me? Are you really that shallow that you can't even tell your other friends about me? Where's the love here? Why do you always tell me that you love me and that you want to be with me, but when I even talk about us dating you always blow it off or stop texting? I can handle the let down of you telling me the truth. If you don't think we should date I'm perfectly fine with that. Just tell me. That's all I'm asking. Honesty is the key here. If we're not honest with each other then how are things ever going to work? So why don't we talk anymore what's happened? No one ever hears from you anymore but those who actually live near you or those other people you don't hang with at camp. WTH!? Why does that happen? What's up with that?
(Gah boy you irritate me so frakkin much.) So my solution, which I've been saying for two months or more now, is to ignore you and give it to God.
(I just hope that I can actually keep with my word this time.) So starting now I am not talking to you unless it's a life or death situation.
(Phew! I'm glad I got that out of the way.) But really I don't know what to do anymore. You're always on my mind and I don't want you to be. I recently came across some knowledge that makes me think this: I really want to be with you, yet I don't want to be around you at all. You make me smile and I always have great moments with you, but you also make me sick. You make me want to go sit in a corner and cry for several hours. It's the honest truth. Both sides are true. I want you and I don't want you. I love you and I don't love you. How do these two sides co-exist? Go read
Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan. I am so confused right now that I want to sleep for days or just run away. Looks like I have a lot to think about.
